Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i've created a new STD.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
