Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
