Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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