when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
