Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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