My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
