Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
