If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
