You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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