the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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