i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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