AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
