he puts the penis in happiness.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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