I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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