I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
