i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
