Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
