And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
