yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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