I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
