when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
