we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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