oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
