somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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