I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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