just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
