GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
