I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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