ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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