I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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