I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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