If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
