I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
