AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
