apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
