dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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