I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
