I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Text me some of your sweat
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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