I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
