But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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