Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
