thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
