super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
