I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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