ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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