at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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