dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
