when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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