Need sex. Gaining weight.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
