Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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