If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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