Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
